27 January Cyrano de Bergerac skewered

1.27.2020

Here is a list of how to wreck my favorite French-themed play:

1.  Cast a gorgeous man as Cyrano and leave his nose untouched.
2.  Eliminate any semblance of costume design and dress your actors like they are rehearsing.
3.  Don't allow the actors to make eye contact.  Have them focus on some spot in the Dress Circle so    nobody connects with them.
4.  Take out all of the humor, double entendres, site gags, witty asides, and dialogue.
5.  Edit the violence, sword fights, near misses and hits.  Eliminate any action.
6.  Make Roxane likable.
7.  Take away the Musketeer-era set design.
8.  Take out the church references to save bumbling priests and "innocent" nuns.
9.  Set Act 5 in a coffee shop instead of a convent.
10.  Change every line in the play except two, which fail like improper anachronisms should.
11.  Put a really bad rapper in the play as Ligniere, and have him open the play.
12.  Have strobe lights misfire.
13.  Eliminate all traditional aspects of drama except the Pathetique.
14.  Take the fun out of play.
15.  Edited for general audiences: My friend fell asleep.

GEEEEZ!

Here's what worked (almost)
1.  Start with a poetry open mic.
2.  Rap battle.
3.  Inclusive casting.
4.  More female roles.

My conclusion?  Every AP Lit. musical we made (our dramatic-tragic-pathetic-comedic efforts) was better than this one.  I could write a better rap version of Cyrano, one where he could skewer everyone with his language.  Maybe I should.